hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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