grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
