My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
