no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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