i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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