yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
