I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
