how can u be prego again
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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