I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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