Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize