he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
