I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
