Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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