I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They are going to name an STD after you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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