and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
