can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
