So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
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