i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
