I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
