That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
