1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
