when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
