Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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