she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
