I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
