I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
