My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
