hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
