You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
