There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
