My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
