I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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