I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
