brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
