shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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