i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
