walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
