I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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