That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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