awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
