Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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