Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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