Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
