I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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