just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
