I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
wow bdsm is so cute
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
