508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
