Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
