trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
