he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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