i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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