Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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