Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
