ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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