new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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