maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
