pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
