My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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