Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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