You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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