since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
