____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
