Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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