i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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