overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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