you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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